Why, in My Forties, I Still Play Dungeons and Dragons

I am aware of a game that focuses on a group of pirates. They’re all gorgeous, except for one, who is disarmingly nondescript. One of the handsome pirates has a juvenile, eight-foot-long T-Regina, named Anastasia. She has custom-made chainmail whose enchantments glow an orchid purple-pink. Someone has cast a continual-light spell on her teeth, so whenever the party is in the dark, she just wanders around with her mouth open until the elf complains of the smell. She’s been of immense help in a variety of circumstances, but her greatest moment occurred when the party found the proverbial sword in the proverbial stone. None of the pirates had any strength, because all their character-building points had gone into their looks. So Anastasia tried to remove the thing. It would have gone better, if her hands had been larger. (I hear this is a common problem, these days.) But the pirates assisted, until the sword came out. And now Anastasia is the ruler of a northern land, where her assisting pirates are her advisors.

The pirates aren’t the wisest counsel. And yet, nothing can be done, because 1) they helped with the sword pulling and 2) Anastasia would have eaten just about anyone else. But the nondescript pirate—who hadn’t spent all of his ability points on looks—he has been wise enough to discern that fate had destined Anastasia T-Regina for rulership from the very beginning. After all, the arc of the story is all in her name.

(Originally posted February 27, 2017)

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