Bathtime

The cats sat around the tub while I bathed. They tried to drink from my water glass; they watched the washcloth as if it were a fish. Then Taku was with me in the water. I don’t know if he jumped or fell. He made a noise. I made a noise. He tried to jump out, and he fell back in. I tried to toss him out, and he used me as a trampoline. He fled to the study. He was halfway sopping. If he were an Easter egg, his bottom would be a different color from his top. I dried myself, and found that I look like I took a bath with a Cuisinart. And Sitka was so terrified that he went to his box and pooped.

(Originally posted October 30, 2014)

Creche!

Judging by what has happened to my nativity scene, the Gospel story went like this: Lo, a white paw blotted out the heavenly host. It smote the wisemen, and thrice bopped Mary. And a brown leg upended the stable, and the leg sent the stable behind the very pillar of the earth. And the white paw struck the babe so that he sped to parts unknown. And the brown body, careless with delight, flung a flattening flang until it left one sheep as a browsing remnant. And the sheep browsed and it browsed– and there rose a great rumbling, and behind the sheep there was the very bosom of the beast. But lo! From on high! There was a voice like a trumpet! Such a voice made the beast cry! Such a voice bid the beast scatter! And the power that owned the voice returned the stable from behind the pillar; it restored the wisemen to their feet. It righted the be-bopped Mary. And it left for parts unknown, for lands said once to be held by Dread Footstool, to retrieve for us the babe.

(Originally posted August 16, 2014)

Grumpy, Old Man

The cat, poor dear, was trying to make friends with the stock pot. So he rubbed up against the stock pot, and caused it to drop from the pantry shelf. And it landed on the wood floor, and it slid its built-in colander into the cat’s legs. And then there was silence. And then there was yowling, until I hauled the cat upstairs. And now the cat is attacking everything he can detect–which isn’t much, because he has cataracts. But it’s episodes like this that might explain why I found him, the other day, sitting in the dark, listening to a recording he’d somehow un-paused of Leonard Cohen.

(Originally posted February 18, 2014)